By Gus Heagerty
I’m going to take you to Guido’s first, they have this great hot bar. We can get lunch there and then shop for anything else you might need while you’re staying with us. They have this amazing wellness aisle—gut health, lotions…everything.
Oh, you can turn the seat warmer on if you’re cold.
It takes about 20 minutes to get there from here. Want to know something quirky? There are 10 different speed limits between Craryville and Great Barrington. And it’s only 11 miles between them. It used to drive me crazy, but now I’ve come to love it.
There’s a lot of unnecessary anxiety that comes with breaking the speed limit. You’re sort of always monitoring the shoulder of the road to see if there’s a state trooper. But when you go the limit, it lets you relax and see things you wouldn’t usually notice on the drive.
This first part of the drive is 55 mph because it’s just open roads. There’s a farm, but it’s mostly just trees, so it’s okay to just go a little fast.
Oh, you can turn on a podcast if you want, I usually listen to a podcast. You should choose it now because we’re going to lose service again soon.
Oh, I don’t care, just put anything on. I usually try to listen to yesterday’s Democracy Now! to try to catch up…but whatever you want.
And see this? This is downtown Hillsdale. It’s just this one street, really. And the speed limit here is 30 mph, which makes sense. Because when you go 30 through downtown you get to see all the little things. The buds coming in on the dogwood, the little library next to the grocery store, bloated with books. Foodtown? Freshtown? I always forget what it’s called.
And then up here, that’s the General Store. Matthew dresses the window with a different scene pretty regularly. See, there’s the latest window. Oh, Matthew owns the general store, he’s a friend, so he’s just Matthew to us.
And then up here? It opens up to 40 mph as we sort of exit town. So that’s three different speed zones so far, and we’re only six minutes from our house. See that? This little stretch there isn’t much. Oh, yeah, Four Brothers Pizza…that’s, well, actually we’ve never tried it. I don’t know, I think it might be a front for something. You’ll see them all over here. And look, now it’s opening up to 55 mph again, and we’re almost to the Massachusetts state line! Bet you haven’t driven to another state just to get lunch in a while…
Huh—oh gosh. Oh no, here we go… No, no, it’s fine…it’s just—this guy is on my tail. No it’s fine—he just wants to go faster than 55. It’s an F-150. He’s probably a local contractor. He’s got a job site to get to and I’m slowing him down. Oh, he’s really not letting up. And we’re about to drop back down to a 30 zone, he’s not going to love that.
What? Pull over? Is that what you’d do? Yeah, I should probably let him pass me…
You know what?
No. No.
This is the speed limit and it’s this limit for a reason! To keep us all safe. So, no. He can do what he needs to do, but I’m not going anywhere. You know… this is what my therapist is talking about when she says I need to take up more space.
He’s probably looking at my personalized license plate and thinks I’m some femmy gay who just moved here. Well, I’m not. I’m full time. And you know what? No. I am taking up my space.
Oh, gosh, can you look? Does he look angry or frustrated?
Well, he’s too hopped up on coffee. I bet the floor of the truck is littered with empty Stewart’s cups.
Okay, at least we’re up to 35 now. And that’s Hy’s Fried, the chicken place I told you about? Yeah, it just closed, which is so sad.
Oh god, he’s really staying on me… Well go around if you’re that upset, sir!
Oh, sorry for yelling. You probably can’t even hear what’s going on in the podcast. Sorry… You can rewind it if you want. Listening to podcasts is so frustrating. I can barely get through one episode and I have so many more to catch up on. I just want to finish this one, but it’s like what’s the point if I can’t even comprehend it and I need to be able to know what’s happening in the world at the dinner party tomorrow, but—
He’s turning?
Oh, of course! Taking 41 to Lakeville. Or is it Lakeville?
Ugh, I wish I knew these roads better. I want to get one of those paper maps for the area, remember those? Before Google Maps? I wish I wasn’t so dependent on Google…
And see now, we drop back down to 20 mph because this is downtown Egremont, and we’re going extra slow here so you can see the charming little storefronts. That’s Mom’s Cafe. So cute. We’ll do breakfast there while you’re staying with us. Oh, and that’s Kenver there. It’s closed now, but it used to be this great sports and outdoor store.
Stores are always opening and then closing around here, that’s something I’ve noticed. So that’s six different speed limits so far. At least four more until we get to where we’re going.
See Gus on tour this summer
Washington, D.C.
July 14th, 2026
Philadelphia
July 16th, 2026
Boston
July 29th, 2026
Pittsburgh
August 21st, 2026
Chicago
August 27th, 2026
Brooklyn
September 9th, 2026
